


Recollection

by Legs (InsanityRule)



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: M/M, More before relevant chapters, sad childhood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-12
Updated: 2015-10-09
Packaged: 2018-04-08 22:39:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 7,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4323510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsanityRule/pseuds/Legs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of letters and photos from Jared to Richard.</p>
<p>Sequel to Hindsight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Departure

He hasn’t seen Jared all day.

Last night he was an idiot and maybe they stayed up late talking about utter nonsense and maybe they fell asleep on the floor in the game room after trying to speedrun one of Gilfoyle’s games. And maybe, just maybe, Richard woke up in the middle of the night and found Jared watching him sleep, which sounds creepy but he looked so happy. And maybe he kissed him.

He’s not certain of that yet.

But when he woke up the next time Jared wasn’t there. It was late though. And some of the other coders were already at their stations. It was reasonable for Richard to assume that Jared was off working in a quiet space.

Still, he texts him once, just to see what he remembers. And if he can help Richard remember if he dreamed the kiss or not. Because really that’s kind of a life changer and he’d like to know if he has to worry about what his subconscious is telling him or how his body betrayed him late at night just because a tall, cute guy smiled at him.

Well that certainly didn’t help. Apparently Jared is cute now.

He doesn’t show up for lunch.

None of the new hires have seen him running around.

Trash is starting to pile up.

This is getting a bit too real for Richard. He shuts his laptop and starts actively looking for Jared.

He finds an envelope taped to his door with Jared’s neat handwriting on the front. Richard grabs the letter and slips into his room. It could be anything. He could’ve gone for an errand. He’s left notes to Richard about his whereabouts before, like appointments or meetings or if he’s going to the store so Richard can text him things he’s run out of. Yeah, it feels like a store day.

It’s not a store day.

He folds open a letter and a receipt falls onto the floor. The only purchases are fifteen disposable cameras, fifteen envelopes with the protective packaging, two boxes of granola bars and a notebook.

-

_Richard,_

_I’m going to be gone for awhile._

Jared is sitting in traffic heading north from San Jose.

_I want to tell you about my childhood._

He’s enjoying a small sandwich in a diner. Someone is telling him directions.

_But I also want to show you._

Jared snaps a photo of himself with a disposable camera. He hopes it turns out okay. He’s standing in front of a sign for Clearlake California.

_Because I love you and I want you to know more about me._

He parks in front of a small home with white siding and a wire mesh fence. There was never a garden statue there before, but it has been at least, he counts on his fingers, twenty years, maybe more. Probably more. 

Jared quietly opens the gate and walks up to the door. He knocks twice. 

_Love, Donald_


	2. Clearlake, CA Ages 2-4

Richard throws up three times in a week.

He really does not like this whole Jared being gone thing at all. He won’t answer any phone calls, Richard’s left him at least ten messages, but he did send a single text. One smiley face. Richard has never been more comforted by a stupid emoji than he was in that moment because it was so very Jared to do something like that. He clearly doesn’t want Richard to worry too much.

When Erlich throws a bubble lined envelope on Richard’s lap he about has an aneurism. It’s from Jared, it’s a letter, and a camera, fully used, and on the outside of the letter it says, ‘Richard - develop the photos first please.’

Of course Richard could read the note. He’s dying to figure out where Jared is, the return address is also the incubator, which means Richard was guaranteed to get the package and not know where the hell Jared is right now.

So he goes to Target.

He hands them the camera and dicks around in the video game section until his photos are done. The clerk smiles and here’s that awkward small talk he was hoping to avoid.

“Did you take a trip?”

“No, not me. A friend.” He tries to appear bored or maybe angry but they just won’t stop talking.

“How fun. Where are they going?”

“Wherever.”

And now they’re done. Good. “The negatives are in there if you need copies.”

“Thanks.”

Richard sits in the Aviato van and flips open the photo package. The top one is of Jared, leaning back at what must be an uncomfortable angle so he can try to fit the sign for Clearlake, CA and his entire torso in the shot. Richard smiles.

-

_Richard,_

_This is the first foster home I ever stayed in._

Jared is sitting on a wingback chair, drinking some tea and laughing.

_My mother was still alive and when she was feeling well we went to visit._

He’s sitting on the back porch with an elderly woman, watching a few birds splash in a birdbath. He’s taking photos with the disposable camera.

_I don’t have a lot of memories of this place. I was fairly young._

Jared helps her with things around the house, like dusting high places and hanging some bird feeders for the cardinals.

_But she is a kind woman. I learned a lot from her during my toddler years._

He’s taking a photo with her at a dock in front of the water.

_She remembered me! I wasn’t expecting that. I suppose I was here for two years._

He’s making her some dinner. She gives him a photograph of him, what is obviously her twenty-some years ago, and another woman. Jared smiles.

_I remember the house always smelling like spices. She’s originally from Pakistan and always made wonderful smelling food._

He’s hugging her before walking down the path and getting in his car.

_I left because my mother’s health improved. But we often came for a visit on Sundays. I wish I could have lived with her again._

Jared’s snapping a few photos around the town before stuffing it in an envelope along with a note. He sends the letter before driving out of town. He takes an exit for Paradise.

_We moved to be closer to Sacramento. They have a very good hospital there._

Jared stops by the sign for Paradise, California and takes a selfie with a new camera.

_Maybe the nurses are still there? They were always very friendly. I’ll find out soon._

Jared pulls into a motel and rent one of the upper floor rooms. He falls into bed without even changing.

_Love, Donald_


	3. Paradise, CA Ages 4-5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neglect

Jared looks so happy in the first photoset.

Richard smiles down at the first photo, the one of Jared and the sign. And of course there are photos of birds, it wouldn’t be like Jared to go somewhere and not document the birds he saw.

It’s good to see Jared smiling.

Richard can barely contain his excitement when he gets another package.

But he has to work and by the time he’s done the photo department is closed. Damn deadlines. He just wants to see where Jared is now.

Richard takes the bus in the morning and dicks around in the clearance aisle until his photos are ready. And it’s the same person. Joy.

“Do you want any duplicates?”

“No, no this is good.”

“Enjoy.”

“Yeah,” Richard has the photos out before he’s even in the car. Jared’s in the first again, this time at Paradise, California. Richard sighs. It’s good to see Jared even if it’s in a photo. He flips through the next few and stops walking in the middle of the lot. “Fuck.”

-

_Richard,_

_Soon after moving my mother’s health began failing._

He’s walking around a park watching some ducks nip at each other. He isn’t smiling.

_I was placed in a foster home again. I wasn’t the only child they had in their care, but I was the youngest by a few years._

Jared is standing outside of a blue house. When someone steps outside he continues walking.

_I didn’t get to see her as often. The family was less willing to make the drive. Although it was nearly thirty minutes._

He’s sitting in a phone booth looking through the names. Jared has a pen and paper ready, but he doesn’t write anything down before leaving.

_It was not a very good home unfortunately. I was alone in the home quite often. The older children wouldn’t take me with them to the park._

Jared is painfully large compared to the swing set but he’s sitting on the swing and swaying side to side.

_Four-year-old's really aren’t meant to be alone for that long. Oftentimes they were gone during dinner._

He’s in a toy shop buying a small stuffed owl. It’s soft and when he’s back in the car he has one arm holding it against his stomach.

_They forgot to do anything for my fifth birthday. It’s the earliest one I remember. But my mother got me a stuffed animal. I wish I knew where it went._

He’s sitting on the motel bed watching TV with the owl in his lap. It’s a nature documentary.

_I lost some weight and my pediatrician reported it to social services. I was placed in a new home fairly quickly. My mother was very upset, but she wouldn’t be able to take care of me until her health improved._

Jared zips up his vest and curls up under the covers with the owl. He leaves the lamp light on.

_Love, Donald_


	4. Paradise, CA Ages 5-7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T.T This one's gonna hurt just be ready

Richard’s worried about Jared.

His last letter ended so abruptly. In the other two he’d given Richard a bit of an idea about his plans for the next letter, but this one just dropped off without warning. And he still won’t answer Richard’s calls. And he looked really sad in some of the photos. Richard had to go back to the first set of photos to cheer himself up. Jared was just so happy back in Clearlake.

And there was the whole, his foster family forgot to feed him thing. He’s still not really pleased with what that’s done to his own digestive tract.

He had a dream the other night. A four year old Jared, or what he thought was Jared it could have been any random kid for all he knows, was sitting on a swing and singing happy birthday.

Richard didn’t sleep for two days after that.

And now it’s been nearly two weeks since he’s seen a letter. When he texted Jared all he got was another stupid emoji, this one was a bird, but at least Jared answered him. It settled his stomach for the time being.

“Richard where the hell is Jared?”

“Well last I heard anything Paradise.” Erlich looks thoroughly confused. “The city.”

“Why?”

“Um, well he’s just on a trip. Taking some time off.”

“Weird. Well he better get back soon. The trash is piling up.”

“You know you could just-” Erlich walks away. “Do it yourself.”

Richard began checking the mail after Jared sent the second package. He was hoping Jared would send it sooner, the other two were only days apart. It isn’t until the middle of the third week that the next package arrives.

-

_Richard,_

_I’m terribly sorry it took me so long to write again._

Jared shaving a few days worth of beard growth and combing his hair.

_I was a bit worked up last time._

He’s standing in the lobby of a hospital reading the directory. Jared nods to himself and starts walking down the hall.

_The new family I was with also had a few children of their own. They were very nice and often included me. I have a lot of nice memories with them._

He’s talking with a nurse sitting at a station. They’re rather young and don’t appear to recognize him.

_My mother’s health was failing. I was at the hospital quite often so I could see her._

Someone rounds the corner and Jared smiles.

_The staff was very nice to me. I would often fall asleep in the children’s waiting room, sometimes playing on their Saturn, and they would cover me with a blanket._

It’s an older nurse, and when she sees Jared she pulls him into a hug.

_I spent a lot of nights on the old couches in the waiting room. No one ever told me I wasn’t supposed to do that, but I’m almost certain that’s the case. I’m very grateful._

He hugs her back.

_My mother was moved into intensive care when I was seven._

Jared starts crying.

_I spent most nights at the hospital. Most of the time she was asleep. It was probably for the best._

He’s been moved into someone’s office. Jared has a blanket and some hot chocolate and an arm around his shoulders.

_While I was at the hospital there was a fire. It started in my room, one of the other children forgot to blow out a candle. No one was injured thankfully. But they had to move and I would get a new foster home._

He’s driving back to his motel room, his eyes are still red.

_My mother died while I was meeting the new family._

Out of habit Jared turns on the shower. He grabs his owl and sits on the floor next to the tub.

_I’m sorry, it might be awhile before I write again._

He hides his face in his knees.

_Love, Donald_


	5. Paradise, CA Age 7

Richard calls Jared every day.

He doesn’t expect an answer, that’s not why he’s calling, but he leaves a message every time.

He makes sure to delete them if he starts crying.

The last letter had a few tear stains on it and Richard’s heart broke at the sight. And one of the photos was of Jared and someone dressed in scrubs, maybe a nurse he knew, and Jared’s eyes were red. He’d definitely been crying.

And how is he supposed to pretend this isn’t a big fucking deal? Jared told him his mom died about a week ago. And Richard’s been trying to keep this a secret, because if Jared wanted the others to know surely he’d have told Richard to share? But he knows he was moping around the day after he got the letter. Extreme moping. His hood was up all day and he went to the bathroom a lot when he thought he was going to cry or vomit or both.

Now he’s doing okay, but not great; he’s had a few bad dreams thinking about Jared all alone somewhere in Northern California.

He’s not sure when to expect a package so he stops looking. So it’s a surprise when he gets one at the two week mark.

God it’s been a month and a half of this already. He’s not sure if he can take much more of this.

\--

_Richard,_

_I’m sorry it took me so long to write again._

He’s packing his things in his hotel room and carefully attaching his owl to his small suitcase.

_Your messages were very comforting. I’m sorry I haven’t called back, but I didn’t want to worry you if I sounded upset. I’m doing alright now._

He stops by the hospital one last time to say goodbye to the nurse.

_I wasn’t with the new family in Paradise for long. They were ill-equipped to help a child cope._

He takes a moment to go into the children’s waiting room. No one is inside at the moment.

_They were lovely people, I’m certain. But I was very upset and often prone to breakdowns._

A child steps inside and Jared smiles. The two of them play Candyland for awhile.

_My social worker and the family thought it would be better if I was in a therapy based setting._

He takes a picture with the child before leaving the hospital.

_I left Paradise. This was actually the first time I’d been back in about twenty years._

He’s taking a photo by a sign for West Sacramento, California. He’s looking much more relaxed.

_I’ll write you much sooner this time._

_Love, Donald_


	6. West Sacramento, CA Ages 7-8

When he said sooner he wasn’t kidding.

Richard was so excited to get another package after only two days. He dropped everything, including his energy drink which he’s still kind of bummed about, and rushed over to the store to get it developed.

Looking at the photos he’s gotten in the last letters Richard realized something; the more upsetting the material the more bird photos were mixed with buildings and houses and people. When Jared told him about his mother dying over half of the photos were of birds around the area.

There were a fair number of birds in the last set. He doesn’t know who the kid playing Candyland was. And maybe it's weird that most of the photos look like they were taken in a hospital but Jared looks much more relaxed than he was in the last photo set.

The clerk definitely recognizes him now why does he keep going to the same place.

“Say, it’s you. You’re getting an awful lot of photos.”

“Yeah well, my friend’s been taking a lot.”

“Where are they at? Seems like a long vacation.”

Richard presses his lips together. “Yeah well, they’re all over.”

He ignores the need to chatter through the uncomfortable silence while his order is processed. His priority is Jared; seeing where he is, getting a better idea of what he’s doing, and learning about what made him the bird-loving, awkward man that Richard may or may not (It’s definitely may. He can’t even deny it anymore.) have feelings for.

One of the last photos is his favorite so far. Jared’s fast asleep in a hammock with a stuffed owl. Richard wonders who took the photo.

-

_Richard,_

_West Sacramento was one the most peaceful towns I lived in during my childhood._

Jared’s pulling up to a nice home in a suburban area. A young boy is playing in the yard.

_The family I was placed with were certified to help provide a therapeutic setting for a child. They were very understanding and helpful while I learned to cope._

He waves to the boy and he runs up to the front door. An older woman appears and Jared waves again.

_If I felt like I needed to cry, or just wanted to have a hug, my foster mother always swooped in and held me until I felt better. I was never shushed or scolded._

Jared reaches out a hand to shake but she pulls him into a hug.

_When I was younger I didn’t know what to say, only that I missed my mother and it made me sad. They never tried to make me explain in more detail. I’m very grateful. Telling them would have been very difficult for me._

Inside he’s led to a study and he pulls the man sitting at the desk into a hug.

_They were a fairly young couple. My foster father was just beginning his career as a professor. They wanted children, but my foster mother had trouble conceiving, so they began to foster children._

He looks at photos with the family. Later in the day they’re all sitting outside and Jared is asleep in the family’s hammock.

_They actually have a child of their own now! I was so happy to hear the news._

Jared tries to leave to find a hotel but they insist he stay in their guest room.

_Being back felt very familiar. Their home was always calming and comfortable._

Jared’s settling on his stomach with his owl in the guest bed. Someone pulls the covers over his shoulders and ruffles his hair. He smiles.

_Maybe you can come with me to visit them sometime. I’m sure they would like to meet you._

_Love, Donald_


	7. Napa, CA Ages 8-9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> abuse

Richard can’t stop looking at the photos from this last family.

It’s just… Jared looks so fricken adorable doing things with them. He’s playing with their kid outside and napping and petting a dog. It’s the happiest Richard has seen him since he left the incubator. He has a feeling this is Jared’s favorite family.

He wonders why Jared didn’t stay with them.

But he’s been busy again. Pied Piper may not be his to run but it is his place of work. He’s been coding again and after all the garbage he went through last year he’s beginning to see the benefit of not running a startup company.

Still having shares is nice (Although it’s not near as many has he had before) and a job that pays well now that Pied Piper is thriving. He’s thankful for that.

And now it’s been a good distraction while he waits for Jared’s next letter.

“Yo, Richard, the runaway sent another package.”

“He’s not a runaway Jared is an adult.” Or should he start saying Donald? He’s wondered this before but now with him signing every letter ‘Love, Donald’ (That makes him blush every time.) he’s been thinking about calling him by his given name.

“Do you want it or not Richard I’m not your mail worker.”

Richard accepts the package from Erlich and grabs the keys to the Aviato van.

-

_Dear Richard,_

_It was distressing, but my social worker and the family in West Sacramento agreed I was ready to go be with a, hopefully, more permanent family when I was about two months shy of turning nine._

Jared hugs the family goodbye in the morning after eating some homemade waffles with strawberry creme sauce.

_I was moved to Napa, California, with what they hoped would be my permanent foster home._

Jared takes a photo with the sign. He sees a blue jay and quickly snaps a photo before it flies off.

_This was the first time in my life that I learned that adults sometimes abuse children when they’re stressed._

He takes a photo of a police station, but Jared doesn’t go inside.

_At first they just yelled. That wasn’t so bad. Some of the other children were rather rambunctious. They said we lacked discipline._

He takes a photo of a free clinic.

_The foster mother home schooled everyone. It didn’t matter if any of the children had bruises because we never left the house._

Jared stops by a run down home in an older part of town. As he parks a young boy, probably seven, is not so gently shoved out the side door.

_One time the foster father was rather inebriated. He cracked one of my ribs when he shoved me against a table._

Jared gets out of his car and motions for the boy to come closer. He begins asking him questions before pulling out his cellphone.

_I went into a free clinic down the road. I remember being afraid to call anyone because I thought I would get in trouble. The foster father was arrested and the children were removed from the home. I never told my previous family. I didn’t want to upset them._

He waits with the boy until a police car shows up.

_I found out the foster mother was still approved to have children in her home. I don’t think she will be anymore._

He leaves before they can ask him questions. Jared drives back to West Sacramento and pulls his old foster mother into a hug the moment he gets inside.

_I wasn’t very fond of that family. I don’t think any of the children were. I’m going to stay at the Chodary’s home for a couple days again. They said they don’t mind. I’ll try to write soon._

_Love, Donald_


	8. Ukiah, CA Ages 9-10

Richard could handle when Jared was left alone. It was sad, it was unfortunate, but Jared didn’t seem too broken up about it in comparison to well, this whole little shitfest he just read.

He’s sitting on the floor in the kitchen bawling his eyes out because just, what the fuck, how could anyone beat up Jared? And not even adult Jared, little kid Jared. He can’t imagine anyone being more loveable than little Jared running around pointing out birds and being friendly and how can anyone hit him hard enough to break ribs?

At least Jared’s with that family. He seems pretty happy with them.

But Richard wants him back home. He wants to protect him and tell him it’s okay, that he’s such a great person, and that nothing he’s shared so far changes how Richard feels about him.

He probably likes Jared. Probably a lot.

“Richard?”

Fuck. Not now. He can’t deal with Erlich. Richard pulls up his hood and runs from the kitchen to his bedroom before Erlich can stop him. He crawls up into his loft and faceplants into his pillow, intending to either cry it out or take a sad nap, whichever comes first.

He’s not a big fan of the nightmares, and only sleeps for a couple hours at most. When he wakes up there’s a bottle of water by his side and an envelope from Jared wedged between his mattress and the frame.

-

_Richard,_

_Staying with the Chodary’s has helped a great deal. My old foster mother has this uncanny ability to cheer me up. It’s difficult to stay sad when she’s so warm-hearted and caring._

She’s shoving fruit at Jared and insisting he take some food with him in a small lunchbox.

_I wish I could show you my next family. They were also very welcoming. I was their only foster child at the time, although I believe they had other foster children in the past._

He’s taking a photo in front of the sign for Ukiah, California.

_My foster mother was from India, although she lived in the states for most of her life. I believe her husband was a teacher before he retired. They were considerably older than most of my previous foster families, but I enjoyed my time there very much._

He’s taking a quick photo of a small house on the corner of a block in a quiet neighborhood.

_I was a bit fearful moving into another foster home after the previous one was so distressing. And I began to miss my mother terribly again. But my new foster mother was patient with me and did not mind if I hid in the coat closet when I was upset._

He’s in a flower shop buying a small bouquet of flowers.

_They didn’t even have a television! Most nights my foster father would listen to records on his old turntable. I often fell asleep on the couch in the living room listening to the soothing sounds of jazz. Although I always woke in my bed._

He parks at the gates of the city cemetery.

_Unfortunately sometime after my tenth birthday my foster mother had to be admitted to the hospital. She had suffered a rather serious stroke._

He’s standing near a pine tree holding the flowers, looking down at a gravestone.

_They could not afford to support a child, especially one growing as fast as I was._

He places the flowers on the grave and steps back, nodding twice at both of the names on the front.

_I actually did not know my foster father had passed away, but when I was a teenager I did learn that he was suffering from Alzheimer’s, and considering the time that has passed it is not a great surprise._

Jared pulls back into the driveway of the Chodary family and unlocks the door.

_I would’ve liked to stay with them longer, but I was thankful for such a kind family after the previous one. It certainly helped._

He settles into the guest bed with his owl.

_I’ll write again soon._

_Love, Donald_


	9. Ukiah, CA Age 10

He hates this.

Richard loves that he’s getting to see more of Jared at the Chodary’s; he looks so content sitting in a hammock or with that owl.

But Jared’s been gone so long and even though some of the families have been nice and helpful Richard just wants Jared to come home. Only, he knows if he said so Jared would drop everything and return without finishing his story, so he keeps quiet.

Erlich’s been bothering him more lately. It’s not that he’s doing bothersome things, but he’s been making sure he’s around Richard more than normal. He’s always in the room with Richard even if they aren’t interacting with each other. Part of him really hates that he can’t just be alone for two fucking minutes.

But another part of him is thankful for any distraction Erlich can provide.

“So when’s stretch coming home again?”

“Oh, well, I guess he doesn’t know yet. It probably won’t be that much longer.” God he hopes it isn’t that much longer. “It’s only been… six weeks?”

“Holy shit, you call that only? You do realize that’s a long fucking time Richard. I bet ten new companies formed and died in that time, at least.”

“Wow thanks, Erlich, I had no idea.” He slams his laptop shut and gets up from the couch. Erlich stands and grabs his arm before he can get anywhere. “Erlich I just want to take a shower.”

Well, cry in the shower, but Erlich doesn’t need to know that.

-

_Richard,_

_I guess I’m about halfway through this trip. I’m sorry the first half took so long. Things should be quicker now._

He’s sitting outside with the family’s dog, tossing a ball into the yard.

_I wasn’t with the next family for long. They were nice people, but the home was rather crowded._

He’s helping with dinner and occasionally sneaking bits to the dog.

_Many of the other children were also young. I was only placed there because they had a bed available and it was close to my previous home._

Jared is passed out in the hammock again, this time with the dog draped over him.

_Things often got too loud. When I wanted quiet I would go into the bathroom and turn on the shower. It helped to drown out other sounds._

He’s taking photos of the dog as it sniffs around in the garden.

_The family requested I be removed. I had begun crying at night again. My social worker agreed that a quieter home would be best and that having so many other children was a bit overstimulating for me._

He’s in a park walking the dog and snapping photos of local artwork.

_I’m sorry none of the photos were of this family, but I felt it would be nice to show you more about the Chodary’s and their neighborhood. Their dog is very friendly and the park was lovely._

When Jared goes to bed that night the dog follows him.

_I miss you, Richard. I’ve been relistening to your messages so I can hear your voice. Maybe you can let a call go to voicemail and I can leave one for you?_

As he’s falling asleep the dog scoots up by his side and nudges his way under Jared’s arm.

_I’ll write soon, I promise._

_Love, Donald_


	10. Panoche, CA Ages 10-12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> drug ment.

At the rate he’s going Richard is going to end up spending well over two hundred dollars on photos and photo related things.

Honestly right now it’s kind of cathartic.

He spends a good amount of time carefully writing each town on a blank note card to slip into the first slot of a gigantic photo album. Every letter has to be perfect, the kerning (even though he’s well aware that it isn’t a typeface) all needs to be exactly the same down to the millimeter, and if he accidentally bends a corner he starts all over again.

If he’s done his math right, and he’s certain he did, he can’t fit all the photos into the album by the time Jared is done, based on the 27 photos each and the 15 cameras he apparently bought. It’ll only fit four hundred, minus all the towns Jared has lived in over the years.

Jesus, that’s a lot of photos.

He got a multi-photo frame but he’s embarrassed about hanging it on his wall, but he still put photos of Jared with each of the families (and the one nurse) he’s already told Richard about. Jared looks happiest with the Chodary family, maybe even happier than he’s been in the incubator.

Richard really hopes that changes when he gets back.

-

_Richard,_

_This was the family that introduced me to birding._

Jared’s pulling up to the sign for Panoche, California and gets out to take a photo.

_This was one of the farthest moves I made, but my social worker was confident that I would like my new foster family. She was right._

He’s standing on a wooden walkway and using his binoculars, occasionally taking a photo.

_My foster father was well off, he didn’t have an office job. I believe he made his money investing, or at least I did when I was younger._

He’s pulling into a parking lot for a correctional facility.

_He brought me birding every weekend. Actually, he was the one that first introduced me to the concept, though I’d always enjoyed birds as a child. My favorite pair of binoculars are from him._

Jared’s talking with someone at the front desk, nodding along as they explain the rules and regulations of his visit.

_I lived there for nearly two years. We went camping and birding. He brought me to a bird sanctuary many times. And he was so kind and considerate._

He’s sitting on the other side of a plexiglass window. A man sits down on the other side.

_He was a distributor of illicit drugs. It was why he was so wealthy. I never asked the specifics, and when the police asked me about it I genuinely had no idea. All he was to me was a good father._

Jared is talking and smiling, but it’s a sad smile.

_About three months before I turned thirteen he was arrested and I was removed from the home. He’s actually still in prison now, although I was able to visit him at least. He’s fared alright, considering, but it’s still going to be a couple years before he can leave._

Jared’s covering his mouth and his eyes are watering.

_He’s fairly certain he’ll be killed once he’s released. I was hoping to keep in touch with him, but he may have to flee the country._

He’s driving with the owl in his lap. Jared pulls out onto the highway and continues north.

_Despite his career choices, he was one of the best influences I had growing up. I do hope he remains safe. Perhaps I will begin writing him as well. It will be nice to catch up after I’m back. I’ll write more tomorrow._

_Love, Donald_


	11. Unmentioned, Ages 12-13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very vague references to abuse

He’s not sure what to do about Erlich.

It’s bad enough that Erlich messes with his cereal, but trying to snoop at his letters and photos is another thing entirely.

“Just tell me what they are Richard.”

“Well, it’s obvious they’re photos Erlich, and they were addressed to me, and only me so just… fuck off.” He’s feeling very tense. Jared was upset again but he also promised to write quickly. Richard’s certain Jared is getting homesick, because the letters are arriving quicker than ever. He hopes that means he’ll be back soon.

Last night he let Jared leave a voicemail. It was very short but also very sweet. Jared promised to make some of the new recipes he’s learned while at the Chodary’s home and commented how friendly the dog was. And then asked if Richard was a dog person (He’s not really a pet person period but if Jared had a dog it would probably be well behaved and friendly, so he could get behind that.) and after the call was done he sent a photo of himself and the Chodary’s dog.

It was really really cute.

He cried for about ten minutes after he saw the photo.

“Well it’s got you super fucked up and mopey. I’m pretty sure you threw up like, twice this morning.”

Well he’s not wrong.

“It’s just stressful, with him gone, but it’s fine, really.”

If he says it often enough maybe it’ll be true.

-

_Richard,_

_When I was twelve social services managed to contact my uncle, and I was to live with him. I’m not fond of that town, so I’m not going to go and visit._

He’s sitting around the Chodary home in pajamas, looking rather unhappy.

_Sometimes people have deviant_

_I believe the technical term_

_Not everyone should raise a child because the environment_

_My uncle is not a good person._

He’s leaning over a table and writing a letter. He’s crossed out half of the page.

_Living with him was very difficult. My grades began slipping, but when I had to take notes home it made things worse._

The dog lies on his lap while he’s spread out on the couch. Someone brings him a bottle of water; he only glances up for a moment before continuing to mope.

_I was removed from the home when I was thirteen, I nearly failed that grade and my social worker felt the environment was too lax, and I never told them anything about the home. I was afraid to say anything at the time._

He’s out in the garden, still in his pajamas, watching a hummingbird feeder while keeping his next camera ready. After some time he begins rapidly snapping photos until the bird disappears.

_He passed away about three years after I lived with him. It’s still sad; he was my only living relative aside from my biological father (Whom I have met now, but I will tell you about that later.)._

The Chodary family convinces Jared to play some board games with them. He’s not very enthusiastic but by the end he’s upright and smiling a bit.

_I don’t think I’ll go into any more detail when I get back. At least not right now. I’ll write again soon._

_Love, Donald_


	12. California, Ages 13-18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ripping off the bandaid with this one.

The box on the front step is from Jared.

Richard hasn’t heard from him in nearly a week. He was starting to worry; Jared was so prompt during the last few letters, even when the last few were upsetting.

Erlich won’t stop bothering him about his ‘bad mood’. How the hell is he supposed to be happy? Jared isn’t here. It’s hard to believe it’s been nearly three months. What the hell is he supposed to say when Jared comes back?

What if he’s not coming back? He seems so happy with the Chodary’s, happier than he’s been in Palo Alto.

But Jared misses him right? Richard’s gotten voicemail after voicemail, just quick hello’s and a polite question or two about the incubator, but it’s still a voicemail. He still won’t answer when Richard calls. Richard’s inbox is nearly full because he refuses to delete any of the messages. Sometimes he listens to them again at night when he can’t sleep.

He’s so afraid of what’s in the box.

It takes him about an hour to work up the courage to carefully cut the tape and pull three envelopes (#1, 2 and 3.) out of the box, three cameras (All used.) and a hat? It’s a knit hat, a beanie. He’s not really sure why it’s significant but he pulls it on anyway.

It’s from Jared it has to be significant.

The first letter is familiar, or at least the material. Jared’s already talked about this home.

-

_Richard,_

_These letters are going to be rather short in comparison._

_I know you read my entry to the blog about this home. My foster mother was nice, but she was often pushed around by the men she was dating._

Jared is in front of a house, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel.

_She was unable to protect me, and even though I had grown quite tall I was very thin and weak muscled._

He’s talking with a woman on the front step. Jared is holding himself stiffly, and does not go inside.

_We did have some good memories, and I was glad to learn that she is no longer dating people that mistreat her._

They take a photo together and Jared leaves.

_I need to get to the next town. I have to tell you about my father._

_Love,_

_Donald_

-

It’s nice to see something turn out alright. He just wishes it had happened to Jared too.

He opens the second letter.

-

_Richard,_

_My father was a neo-nazi. My social worker, and the city, did not know this when I was placed with him._

Jared is standing outside an abandoned farmland with several buildings on the property. Most are dilapidated and crumbling.

_I have to be perfectly honest, I do not remember a lot of my time with him, but I do know I started living with him when I was 14, and I was not removed until 16._

He’s carefully walking through the property, photographing familiar areas.

_He contacted social services, alerting them to his existence, and they were ecstatic. My social worker told me he had not known I existed. Now I am beginning to think that was a lie._

Something spooks him, an owl swooping out of the rafters when he accidentally slams the door against the wall. He smiles at the bird, one hand on his heart.

_I learned German here, I suppose._

Jared runs his hands over char marks in the kitchen.

_He orchestrated a ‘ceremony’, or at least that is what I was told. I woke up in the hospital. My binoculars were my only possession. I carried them everywhere. I was malnourished and confused, but unharmed. The rest of the compound wasn’t as lucky._

He’s driving into town and parks at an airport.

_I’m nearly done with my letters._

_Love,_

_Donald_

-

He can’t even move. Richard just has a cold sensation settled on the back of his neck and in his stomach. There’s one more letter.

-

_Richard,_

_I was not with the next family long. They were unable to help during my night terrors, and from what I have been told they were quite frightening to witness. I didn’t want to bother them with painful memories._

He’s going through security with a small carry on bag.

_For a short while I was placed in the hospital again, this time for my mental health. After I was discharged from the hospital my social worker thought it would be best if I was placed with the Chodary family again. I agreed._

In the terminal he’s drinking a cup of tea and watching the planes take off.

_They’re a wonderful family, and more than capable of helping me cope. I am so grateful for their help. They’re the ones that encouraged me to go to college, and helped me complete numerous scholarships._

He’s settled into a window seat.

_I’ve sent one final letter, you should receive it tomorrow if I’m not mistaken. I have to go to the airport. If I'm correct, I'll see you soon._

_Love,_

_Donald_

-

Erlich finds Richard sobbing on the kitchen floor. He doesn’t ask, he just sits beside him and pulls him into a hug.


	13. Present Day

_Richard,_

_I want to show you Vassar. Enclosed is a boarding pass for this weekend._

Richard’s groggy and sluggish. A clock on the wall says it’s only five in the morning. He’s at an airport getting checked in.

_It’s rather cold in New York right now. You should bring the hat I made you._

Richard’s chugging an energy drink while pacing in front of the giant window.

_I’ll understand if you don’t want to come._

He’s passed out in his seat on the airport. His hat is covering one eye.

_But if you do come I’ll pick you up at the airport. Text me when you land, if you decide to come._

_Love,_

_Jared_

-

He’s been bombarding Jared with texts ever since he landed. Fuck work and fuck the incubator and fuck Laurie breathing down his neck for the deadlines. This is way more important than work.

There’s a small cafe with coffee and pastries. Richard texts Jared a picture so he knows where to go.

Richard threw up five times already.

Okay not five, more like two, but he feels like it’s been five times. He’s drinking a lot of water to make up for his anxiety, or at least counteract the inevitable dehydration. Richard’s so excited/nervous to see Jared he’s nearly vibrating.

Watching movies has led Richard to believe that seeing Jared across the walkway should have some dramatic music or something, but the song currently playing on the radio over the speakers is, according to his phone, Uptown Funk, and the moment is lost.

And then Jared sees him and he stops breathing.

His hair’s longer. Oh no it’s really cute like this, just a little shaggier than his normal carefully combed hairstyle. Jared’s slowly making his way over, politely dodging people rushing back and forth as they try to reach their terminals. Richard stands, shaking hands tipping his empty glass over, and motions to a window off to the side. Jared nods.

Oh crap he missed Jared so much. That nod should not be affecting him this strongly. He takes a deep breath around the knot in his chest.

When Jared reaches the window they stare at each other for an uncomfortably long time. Jared’s so wide-eyed and bewildered, like he actually thought Richard wouldn’t drop everything just to be with him sooner. Richard hopes he doesn’t look as exhausted as he feels. He’d like to think they’re just taking each other in, but he knows the real reason is neither of them know what to say.

“Um, hi.”

Yeah that’s a fine start.

And then Jared starts crying.

Richard is about ready to jump out the window and run and just abandon everything until he reaches the river but Jared gets all up in his personal space, and shoves his face into Richard’s shoulder. He’s not really prepared for strangers staring at him, so Richard hides against Jared’s arm.

And he is definitely not crying. Not in public, no way. He is calm and collected and he is absolutely sobbing who is he kidding. Jared’s squeezing him tightly, and he squeezes back. Being with Jared again feels way better than he imagined, and it was already theoretically better than every birthday he’s ever had.

He’s thankful no one is as much of a good Samaritan as Jared because no one decides to make sure the two full grown adult men bawling in an airport are okay. There’s so much he wants to say, and do, and he doesn’t know where to begin.

He settles on lunch. “Jared I don’t know about you but I am fucking starving.”

Jared laughs and wipes his eyes, red-rimmed but bright and happy. His smile is bigger than any grin from Jared’s photos. Richard’s eyes well over a little again. “Well I know there’s a nice cafe right by the college.”

“Yeah, okay. That sounds great.” Jared takes his hand and starts leading them to the exit. Richard never wants to let go again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep an eye out for Continuum, which is a direct sequel and should start posting sometime November.


End file.
